Humanity’s House

Posted on November 14, 2015

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Candle

My heart is broken and I’m so afraid.

And now I am seeing that there are places in the world where things are happening that I don’t even know about, because the news stations knew the story wouldn’t be worth it; I wouldn’t have clicked on that link.

I feed my child dinner and I am bombarded with images of dead children, of mothers who cannot provide any food for their babies tonight.

My guilt does not absolve me and my door does not protect me against the type of evil that plots these atrocities. It feels this evil has crept into my house. Through the cracks in the doorways and over the windowsills, hate and fear is spilling.

I have so many shows on hulu I could watch right now.

I force my eyes to stay open, I must pay attention. I always feel fear first in the rush that roars in my ears.  I feel the fear, in penance, because I was not shot and I couldn’t list all the places where violence is happening. Right in this moment.

The pain they cause is not nothing, it is everything. How the dark fought to add hopelessness to these stories- to add a period at the end of these lives. Evil itself takes loved ones throughout our history but it does not win. Somehow this flesh and blood matters so much that what happens to this flesh and blood here is not the end.

The rush subsides. Fear and hate chose the wrong house. They chose the house of humanity, a house that has been claimed by light. We could open our doors wide to the hate and the fear and yet it would still just be made of shadows.

Even so it is time for me to lock my doors twice and thrice, to cuddle by my husband and son, to mourn with the world. I close my eyes with the world’s mothers and we cry for humanity’s house to be exorcized of every shadow and every drip of fear that has crept past our windowsills and our door frames. We cry for justice but then we see the flicker of shadows has made its way inside us. We cry for justice but it is mercy and grace that will save us. Because what if even the flesh and blood, the men that we call evil itself, will stand in the light and the sin and shame will burn away to ash, and the person left will stand forgiven and clean? That is what victory looks like: Love blazing as humanity’s champion. I lay my head down and I am in the presence of the most radiant love and light, a light that razes shadows.

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