How to Pick a Profile Picture

Posted on October 21, 2011


In a world where most communication happens on social networks, it is extremely important to know how to pick out a great profile picture.  If you are between the ages of 20-40, still care what your high school friends think of your pics, and have not yet started replacing your face with pictures of your children or dog, then this guide is for you.  STAY TUNED… because I am going to test your knowledge at the end!

1.    Getting Started: Narrow them Down

For step one, you need to start with a pool of 3-5 photos to choose from.  I know! That’s a huge task, considering your friend just tagged you in 3,000 photos from this weekend alone.   Use the following criteria to guide you.

a.    Outfit. You must only have pictures of outfits that you were wearing for the first time. Otherwise, someone might think you sometimes wear the same thing twice!

b.    Location. Make sure you are somewhere that you makes you look cool.

Look, I went to a cool hipster concert!

c.    Something New. Is your haircut new? Is the city you’re living in new? Do you have a new bff? A new husband? Use your profile picture to update us.

If all else fails: If your friend is being annoying and still hasn’t put up pictures from last night, and frankly, she hasn’t posted any from a year’s worth of wonderful activities, then it’s time to ask your mom for help.  Find a childhood photo of you between the ages of 2-7, and you’re all set! Besides, childhood pictures almost always fulfill the criteria in steps 2 and 3 as well.

I guess Kelly's friends didn't post her pictures quickly enough...

2.    Pick a Photo Where You Look Nothing Like Yourself
Gone are the days where you can tell what someone looks like by their facebook profile pictures.  It is essential that in the world of social networks, we not only look absolutely amazing, but also nothing like ourselves.  As you look at the narrowed down pictures you have selected, ask yourself this question: In which photo do I look the least like I do on a daily basis?

Yep, never made that facial expression before in my life

If all else fails: If there are no candids that show you making a strange and beautiful face, I highly suggest sitting in front of your computer and taking pictures of yourself.  No one will judge you for the face-time you spent with your Mac, they will simply be astounded by the beauty of your newly-discovered facial expression.

3.    Make Sure that You Look Skinny!!
This is almost a sub-point of Step Number 2, and I cannot emphasize it enough. Just like you want to look nothing like yourself, you want to make sure to reveal nothing about any flaws your body might actually have.  And luckily for all of us, there is always the option of cropping.


Omg I have an arm!


Look how skinny I am!!

If all else fails: If all else fails, there is always the option of the posed picture.  Before the next time you go hang out with your camera happy friends, spend time in front of the mirror, finding the pose where you look skinniest (in fact, you could even set your camera to ‘self-timer’ and take pictures of yourself while doing so!!).  After finding the best possible pose (for me it is standing on tip toe, twisting sideways and reaching to the ceiling), casually do that the next time you are out (or use those self-timed pics) and TA-DA, you have a profile picture.

You must, I repeat must edit your photos before posting them. And I mean EDIT THEM.  

Look how shiny I am!

Or perhaps like this:


Oh my gosh it's natural light


MUCH better

Did I miss anything? I hope that everyone has found this tutorial helpful… because I want you to put it to the test! Next time you or your friends start taking pictures, work on that perfect profile picture.  If you have any pictures that you think would fit into these categories, or take any in the next few weeks that fit, SEND THEM TO ME! Then I can make a new post with all our strange and wonderful profile picture options 😉

Posted in: Wicked Funny