It Only Takes One

Posted on October 19, 2010

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Everyone loves giving advice.

Whether our friend has a weird rash on their face or is having trouble with their baby or can’t find a good guy to date or wants to eat at a good restaurant in Miami, we just HAVE to chime in (even if we’ve never even been to Miami).

It’s no different with love advice! A lot of people have beautiful love stories, and they enjoy their story so much that they turn it into a meta-story that is supposed to fit all dating relationships:

“You should always be friends before you ever start dating! The more casual, the better.”

“Your boyfriend should be a gentleman, and always open doors and pay for everything forever and call you princess.”

“Make sure you date for 27.5 months before you get engaged.”

“You can look at her mom and know exactly what she’ll be like when you date her.”

“Always give every guy you meet a chance.”

etc.

Part of me wants to do that and start writing hundreds of posts about dating and marriage advice.   I mean, my love story is just as amazing as everyone else’s (in fact, it’s my favorite).  But at the same time, what does my experience have to do with YOU? Should I tell you to live in an apartment across from a really attractive guy, and make brownies all the time (one of the factors that leads him to start coming over often)? Should I tell you to have the worst semester of your life and wear sweatpants every day and become best friends with your kind (and don’t forget attractive) neighbor?  Should I tell you to fall in love and then move across the country from each other so that time together becomes the most precious thing in your life? Should I tell you to wait to get married until God gives you a drastic sign you can’t miss?

That would be silly.  That’s my story, not yours.

So instead of my advice, I will give you the advice of my dad.  Apparently he was known around my town for his intimidation tactics with boys who went near his daughter (I found out years later a few upper classmen thought he was a priest).  But let’s be honest- he is really the most loving, proud, supportive father you could imagine.  When he wasn’t polishing his alleged shotgun, he gave me great advice.  One phrase from him stuck with me forever. When I was lonely it seemed trite, when I was heartbroken it seemed cold, but in the end it was both loving and true.  In the words of my wonderful father, “It only takes one.”

It only takes one. Instead of looking at your past and seeing the stack of relationships that have been broken, or perhaps the empty years without relationships, you look forward and know- the numbers before now don’t affect the statistics.  It doesn’t matter if it’s been 17 mess-ups and 15 break-ups or if you’ve met 0 people that you actually connect with.  It only takes one.

The end of a matter is better than its beginning, & patience is better than pride.

– Ecclesiastes 7:8-

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Posted in: Seriously