What’s so wrong with being wifey material? I’ll tell you what’s wrong…

Posted on October 13, 2010


Here it is, readers- another guest post, this time written by the one and only Chris Miller aka MillsyF. If reading this post leaves you wanting more from my friend and fellow blogger, check out  The Yuppie Dilemma. In the following post, he responds to my friend Mary’s question: What’s so Wrong with Being Wifey Material? Apparently, he has an opinion on the subject:

When Farrell asked me to cook up a guest post to help out her homegirl who is having boy issues, I admit I was a little hesitant. I’ll be honest: while I’m aware of my own  insatiable desire to lend two cents to anyone who will listen, I don’t know much of anything.  Pharrell is married and I’ve been described as a living, breathing “boy issue” at various times in my life, so I’m thinking if this girl takes either of our advice, she’s screwed. But after reading about your dilemma, I quickly reconsidered.

Now I’ll be honest again: it took me a while to read through the entire post. I laughed.  A lot.  My initial thoughts were: a) someone please reassure me that all women are not constantly conflicted by this, resulting in monologues debating the legitimacy of alleged claims to their perfection; b) I’m glad no girl has ever called me perfect, because walking on egg shells probably hurts your feet; and c) the Boy #1 & Boy #2 references reminded me of Dr. Seuss. But then I realized that it could be a little bit frustrating when every guy you date is scared that meeting “Mrs. Right” = marriage right away, and that got me thinking:

So what exactly are we talking about when we say you’re “wifey material?”

Because if you happen to be a drop dead gorgeous, smoke show of a woman with a strong maternal instinct who simultaneously earns enough money to afford her husband the life of a stay at-home-dad, sitting on the couch with his newborn son strapped to his chest in a papoose who is whimsically laughing as he watches his daddy play Madden on Xbox and write critically acclaimed blog posts, then I might be very, er…know someone. I KNOW someone who might be very interested in marrying you.  Seriously, I’m not kidding.  He would marry you like, yesterday.  But let me not get my hopes up get off topic.

The point is, I wouldn’t get too hung up about that whole idea if I were you.  I mean seriously, unless you’re dating the same exact kind of guys (which in that case, I think the problem AND the solution is clear), then what constitutes wifey material in a guy’s minds changes about as much as those guys change their underwear. So like 2 or 3 times a week, more or less.  But what about this whole idea of “perfect” that seems to be bugging you?

Well, since we’re talking about wifey material, I figured why not use a clothing metaphor to get my point across. Late last spring, I was lurking through the menswear retail interwebs and I found the perfect coat. It was a camel colored Woolrich duffle coat complete with wooden toggle-fastenings and rope loops; the kind you might catch a British Royal Navy officer rocking back in the 30s. If I told you how long I had been waiting to find a coat like this, you might never read another thing I write (if you weren’t going to either way, I won’t take offense). And to make the 1-click-purchase even more tempting, it was at a fairly cheap price. The only problem was that it was 70 degrees outside and as cheap as it was, I didn’t have a lot of money.  At the time, one could say it wasn’t what I needed in my life.

When someone comes across something perfect, it’s not always so easy to go with it, is it? That duffle was the perfect “coat material,” but if a guy can’t seriously think about what he’s going to eat for lunch today, how on earth is going to think about the girl he might marry the coat he’s going to wear that winter? This isn’t by any means some profound assertion and based on this little conundrum you have, I can assume you’ve heard this theory before.  Now, I can’t speak for every fella out there, but I’ll let you in on a secret that pretty much sums up my view on this whole topic: that coat was hanging up in my closet days later.  And even though I had to be a bit patient until the time was right, the first time I wore it I knew I was going to hold onto it for a very, very long time.

Yes, timing is important.  But if it makes you feel any better, there is a large and thriving population of men out there who could care less about it once they’ve found someone worth investing in.  It sounds like you have a pretty good sense of self, despite whatever anxiety you say you get from these boys singing your praises in the shrillest of Justin Bieber voices, I assume.  Like you said: you’re well-rounded, attractive, smart, fun, kind and motivated…enough (did I leave anything out?).  And to someone out there, you’re also perfect…enough.  So while the anticlimactic nature of my conclusion may make you want a cash refund for the time spent reading this, my advice is simple: keep seeing what’s out there.

And yes, if you’re only looking to date casually, then you might only be interested in being “Mrs. Right Now.” But for some guy you’ll meet, there’s only going to be one word in that title that matters to him. And maybe later down the line, two if he’s lucky.