How to Make Anyone Fall in Love with You

Posted on October 13, 2010

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What is “Your Thing?”

This is the thing that, if you were to mention it on a coffee date, the person sitting across from you would automatically fall madly in love because of how animated and passionate you become when you talk about it.

It also works in the opposite direction.

Let’s say that you are talking to someone and asking them about their weekend.  It turns out they are going fishing.  You start asking more questions about the trip and before you know it their eyes are shining and they just can’t shut up about the bass they want to catch and they start referencing lingo you have never heard of because frankly, fishing doesn’t interest you.  But you have found “their thing,” and if you listen, they will love you.

People find out quickly that if they ask me about Rose, I will not only tell them about how much I anticipated her birth (she is 13 years old), but I will also tell them at least 47 times how beautiful she is. I always end up liking people who let me talk about Rose.  And I love people who love her.

But you have to nurture “your thing.”  There is a day that I remember as a watershed moment in my relationship with my sister.  Rose wanted to play catch; I wanted to die of exhaustion.  But as I sat on the couch watching TV, with Rose’s pleading eyes looking up at me, I  had a moment where I thought back on ALL the moments that Rose had asked me to play catch– and I honestly couldn’t remember the last time I had hung out with her.  I talked about her a lot, certainly, but I had been failing to actually get up off of the couch and play with her!  She was the thing that made me passionate and bright-eyed; I had her living in the same house with me, but hadn’t done a single thing to show her how much I loved her. Since then, I have tried to make her a real-life priority, and honestly, it has made me love and appreciate her even more.

One of the saddest things in life is when the passion that someone has goes stale.

A few years ago, I went out with a few other servers from the restaurant I worked at after our shift.  A girlfriend and I ordered appetizers; the guys we were with started gulping down beers.  At one point, one of our fellow waiters started telling us about his night at the restaurant.  I realized halfway through the conversation that all the signs were there– he was using huge hand gestures, his eyes were shining (and not just from the beer), and he was very excitedly telling my friend and I about his night– this is it! I thought. He’s telling us about his thing! But I was depressed (for his sake) to find that he was simply telling us about how many sides of shrimp he had sold that evening, and how many patrons he had told off.  He used to aspire to be a chef.  But in listening to him talk, I realized that he had worked as a server for so long, and his passion was now so stale, that in his most animated moments all he could talk about were his snide remarks to the rich man who ordered wine from him that evening.  The rest of us couldn’t wait to shake off our night at work.  But this guy had spent so little time fostering his passions and aspirations that work was all he had left to talk about.

In the case of my sister, I honestly would die for her. But there is actually a large difference between dying for something and living for it.  Sometimes getting off of the couch every day and playing with your little sister is a lot harder than hypothetically being willing to take a bullet for her.  Sometimes getting yourself out of your passionless job is a lot harder than simply paying lip service to the job you would be passionate about.

Don’t lose sight of your passion.  Maybe you would die for it, or her, or him, but do you live for it?

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Posted in: Seriously